The entrance to our hotel is vile:
the accomodation is simply revolting,
the beaches are utterly filthy,
the sunsets are an insult,
there's no where to sit and relax,
the nightlife is pathetic,
and the least said about my office the better,
For all you Blackadder fans out there, "Can I come in for a gloat?".
Yes, you can probably tell from my audaciously sarcastic intro that I am a "heartless gloater" and this place, for want of a more intellectual description, is fucking lush.
The most relaxing , chilled and best place Ive been to so far on my travels. Its got everything just right. Familar things to buy and eat yet not overdone in anyway. Our accomodation is basic with only a fan, cold showers and you have the flush the toilet with a bucket of water and ladle, but for 3 pound a night you really cant complain! Im only in there to change or sleep anyway as Ive been living on the beach.
Compared to Ko Samui, all the beach sellers have turned into dogs. They're everywhere, yapping and biting and shagging each other. Its a good job Im a real dog lover isnt it??? Well, if they ever run out of fresh meat on the island......However I did see a dog wearing a swimming costume today so he got my respect. More dog stories to come.
So Koh Tao is diving central. Luckily I got my open water Padi license last year in Egypt (and lost it on a drinks binge in Texas, but thats another story) so I was all geared to go. I thought Id go for a test snorkling first by swimming out from the beach to see what I could see. Then I remembered why I dont like diving. Firstly having a regulator or snorkle in my mouth for more than 5 mins gives me agonising jaw ache (thanks to a facial injury I inncurred a few years ago). Breathing in through it dries your mouth out a treat. But mostly, you're looking down there at all the 'nice fishes' and you have absolutely no idea what they are or when their gonna kill you. I know as much about fishing as I do about fision, but I know there are things down there can make you come a cropper sharpish! So as Im tentativley swimming about looking at lame coral (I was only a few metres out to sea folks) and the fishes are getting bigger and bigger. I'm getting increasingly uneasey as I have no one with me to point out whats what then I accidentally bumped into one of the ropes that was holding the boats to the shore. My God. There was nearly another little brown fish floating down there after that I tell you! Scared the hell out of me! Got back to shore pretty sharpish after that.
Sorry dive fans, I know it can be beautiful and amazing and you probably disagree with what I say but I guess its just not for me. Bit of a shame when you're on 'dive island'. As my mate said, you may as well just stick your head in a fish tank, at least you know whats in there! However it hasnt stop me doing diving of the 'other' kind if you know what I mean ;)
The basic form of each day here is get up (in the AM, crazy I know), hit the beach, Su Doko it up to the max, DJ at the bar for about 2 hours, sit and watch the sunset, get some quality food and watch a film or two at Choppers bar, then back to the beach for buckets and dancing. I can see how people get stuck here. Met a bloke just now said hes been here for 6 months.
Right, this bit might go on a bit but bare with me. I dont know if anyone reading this likes to read meaning into things but this is what I call my stange tale of 'duality'.
Went out and tried to chat up this South African girl outside a beach bar. It was going ok except that she was cradling a little puppy that had just been bitten by another dog so he was getting all the attention from her. It would seem the dog was cuter than me (impossible, I know). He thwarted my plans. Anyway off to a club and the first track we hear is 'Insommnia' by Faithless. Some more fannying around then I spot these girls I was about to hone in on. From out of no where, literally, this ozzy guy pops up in front of me and starts jabbering away about some bollocks I really couldnt understand. By the time he'd gone, the girls had already been honed in on by some other bloke. Her friend was on her own though so I moved round to chat to her. Things were going well then she, and her friend, both left with this one bloke. And he was about 50. Bugger I thought. Then, again, as if by magic (Mr Ben style), the ozzy bloke appeared again from no where and jabbered some more inane bollocks to me (This is where the duality bit starts to come in, he was there at the start, there at the end). It would appear he had thwarted my plans by stopping me getting there with the girls in time. Hometime. Great idea we'll sleep on a bench by the pool and catch the morning sun. We doused down in mozzie spary, got a towel and hit the benches. I didnt sleep a single wink (Remember 'Insomnia' was the track I first heard in the club). And the reason I couldnt sleep because there was a dog sitting next to me growling all night at the other dogs. It was the cute puppy that had thwarted my plans earlier, and now this dog was thwarting my plans for sleep. So you see 3 seperate yet paired events of thwarting my plans. Too much thwarting for one day. It could have meaning. Maybe it was just a bad day. Oh well.
Sorry, that was a bit of a long-winded and maybe one of my more boring bit of prose but needed to get it off my chest.
Right, so having not slept, and this is where I left the last entry we hire mopeds. Ive never been on a motorbike before, was a little hung over, and hadnt slept. This was a magnificent idea. I was the only person on the island wearing a helmet. With my shades on I looked like the copper from the village people. So as I wobbled around nearly crashing into ditches and hedges you can imagine I was a sight of pure hilarity. So what do we do. Adventure. Going down 'roads' which are just all over the shop with pot holes and rocks and go up at ridiculously steep inclines. I got my bike stuck on a rock and spent 5 minutes trying to shift the thing. Motorbikes are a lot heavy than push bikes plus I had bugger all energy so it was so wonderfully degrading having my mate piss themselves watching me trying to shift this thing off. It was a brand new bike as well. Had 7Km on the clock. Took it back and they saw the scratches and charged me 9 quid. Feckers. And that was the last time Ill ever ride a motorbike. Im far better in cars.
I have also had a monumentally catasrophic disaster as well. No I havent lost my passport. I plugged my MP3 player with 14GB of music, that took me weeks to burn on there, into a USB1 port (sorry to get technical) and it bloody well crashed it. I can no longer use it. My musics on there it just wont play. Checked the forums and they say 'Send it back to Sony'. Oh great. My address changes every week. May as well find the next Sony shop in NZ and throw the damn thing through the window! I couldve cried when it happened. Sony NW HD5. Take caution if youre thinking of getting one.
Missed the full moon party on Ko Pha Ngan but I dont care. New Years was enough and Ive been to plenty better parties since then anyway, so there!
Sadly Im leaving here tomorrow to go to Pai or Chang Mai, or something. I dunno. I will DEFINATELY be back here though.
Right, I'm off for food and movies.
Keep it tight blog fans.
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