Being in Vegas, I needed a cheap, efficient and environmentally friendly (I’ve seen ‘An Inconvenient Truth’ don’t forget) mode of transport to get around in. So, in true backpacker fashion I made the decision to hire a Ferrari for the day and live out a childhood fantasy of driving around with a beautiful girl by my side just like the classic video game Outrun:
“Simply stunning. Teddie’s not too bad either mind”
“My other car’s a Ford”
Ok, so its not quite the Ferrari Testarossa as in the game, but a Ferrari 348 Spyder is close enough. After a big credit check, and signing my life away to pay the first $5000 in the event of any damage to the car, I very carefully stepped into the greatest rental car ever. And you know what? I was actually a bit disappointedat first. Its very difficult to actually get into, the handbrake didn’t really work (lucky Vegas is flat), the leather was all a bit scratched and worn, the doors didn’t lock very well and the stereo had the worst speakers in a car I’d ever heard. Ah, but then I fired up the engine and it became all so apparent. Nothing else matters. This thing is an absolute bastard. The engine sits right behind you and just roars into your head.
My main worry, having not driven anything more powerful than a Fiat Brava, was that the acceleration would be so sensitive that I’d hurtle off into a wall straight away. Goodbye rest of my spending money, Im going back home. Luckily this wasn’t the case and was easily controlled even though I was very gentle on the accelerator. However, this is a 1990 car and it certainly did NOT have power steering so you could barely turn the thing at low speed. Still, I managed to push very gently into the traffic of the Las Vegas strip and cruise along with everyone else.
At first, it was all very frustrating; I didn’t hire a Ferrari to get stuck in traffic like a mug. But then I got to the front of a set of lights and was able to see what this beast was capable of. Ohhhh Nelly! Hitting 60mph in 4 seconds and still in 2nd gear you realize how much trouble you can get into with this car. Finally hitting the freeway, it was make or break time. Im either going to kill myself, and destroy this car or survive to tell the tale. It was 50/50.
Taking full advantage of the ambiguous freeway driving rules (no lane priority, just overtake in any lane) I opened her out. This car is insane! Im darting in and out of traffic doing 135mph in 5th gear and this silly car just wants to go faster!! I didn’t even have my foot down. It had better acceleration at 135mph in 5th gear than my Ford Focus rental had in 1st. Even more fun was to be had when doing a U-turn at traffic lights. The sheer acceleration just spins the backend out so you spin round wildly, screeching all the way doing a powerslide in front of a row of spectating traffic. Aha! I AM the stig. Of course everyone probably thought I was just a complete cunt instead, but you know what? I don’t care. It was just too much fun. Im just glad I had practice doing handbrake turns in previous rental cars on this trip otherwise it would have ended in an embarrassing disaster.
“Keep your eyes on the road you stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid bastard”
Back on the strip, I began to realize there’s a certain stigma to driving a Ferrari. Driving a car like this you cant help but shout “LOOK AT ME!”. Why else would you drive a Ferrari? Sure there are faster cars out there, but not many that look and sound like this one. Having people look down at you in their ridiculously oversized SUVs you just cant help to give them a wink and burn off at a million miles an hour. You slowly adopt the mentally of a Ferrari driver. That’s right, you become an arsehole. I also learnt a rather apt Swedish phrase for the day from Teddie; “Jag har en liten snopp” (I have a little penis). Don’t worry it’s not true before all you girls start reaching for the razor blades and cyanide.
Sadly though, it was all over before I knew it. I had to hand it back (in one piece, thank the lord beavers heist), pay a ridiculous amount of money for it, and go back to the other rental car. It doesn’t go as fast, it’s a funny green colour, but at least it has power steering and a decent stereo.
The rest of our time was spent seeing the wonders of Vegas. There really is nothing more spectacular when driving down the strip at night and seeing the whole place throbbing with lights and buzzing with excitement. Lavish isn’t the word for these hotels:
“Ah, big gay paris”
“Belargio and Caesers Palace”
“Classy”
These places are gorgeous and ridiculously over the top, I bet they must be full of beautiful people all playing Roulette in dinner jackets and evening wear, lets go to that one over there! Oh. Oh dear. Hang on a minute. It would appear all the scum and dregs of society live here in wheelchairs! Vegas would appear to be the class sieve of America. Inside most casinos are desperate people fixated on the endless slot machines, not talking just pumping in coins. Its hopelessly anti-social and over all the flashing lights and racket it can get kinda depressing.
Having been staying in countries where smoking is now banned in public places (and having given up the tabs myself), it was quite a shock to come to a place that hadn’t passed that law yet. Lets just say if Vegas did impose a smoking ban I estimate it would lose about 80% of its business.
You’re better off going to the bigger name, more up-market casinos like Caesers Palace. Having played a fair bit of Texas Hold-Em poker in my travels and thought it was about time to win big at a casino. So I sat down at a nice table with a good ensemble of people and pledged my $40. 15 minutes later I was soon leaving the table, having lost each consecutive hand. Oh well, guess I need more practice. Managed to get a free Gin and Tonic out of it though.
Vegas is the place to come if you’ve got a bit of money to waste, and what with me being a backpacker (and also having wasted an obscene amount of money on a Ferrari rental) I found it all quite restrictive as I couldn’t really afford to go mad. Spent a lot of time paying for drinks at the bar which made me think that if you get free drinks when you start to gamble, maybe you could get free gambling if you start to get drunk at the bar! When you lose your just gonna come back to the bar and drink again.
Did squeeze in a few thrill rides at the top of the stratosphere tower and had a photo taken of me on one of the rides that had me looking so full of terror I looked like a 100 year old goblin (I didn’t buy it and it wont be displayed here).
“Im sure Ive seen this before somewhere”
There were 3 rides that dangled you over the edge of the tower in various manners. I thought all the shit your pants, vertigo inducing, adrenaline rides finished with the bungee jump. They weren’t thrilling but more of a reminder that I really don’t like heights and I should stop trying to kid myself I can get over it. The rollercoaster around the New York, New York casino was good fun but as I had an apocalyptic cold at the time, all the gunk in my sinus rattled the nerves of my teeth and made it a very painful experience.
“Our hotel, which Back to the Future fans may recognise...”
We did manage to stay in a very nice hotel with all mod cons including a double bed for cheaper than a hostel which was absolute nectar after 3 months of sleeping in a bunk bed every night.
I think Vegas is the perfect place to come for a weekend or a few days where you want to get drunk and gamble some money. As I wasn’t feeling too flush I didn’t make the most of it so I definitely need to come back here when my bank balance is looking a little less anemic.
Thank you Vegas, see you again soon.
No comments:
Post a Comment