Sydney, Australia

You'd think that by having a week off to prepare for a big road trip, finish off all I needed to do in Sydney and generally get ready to move out of my flat, Id have enough time. So why is it that on the Friday I had to move out, my day started off pretty much like an episode of 24.

The following takes place due to a stunning lack of common sense:

6:12 am

Shit! Why am I wide awake? I've got such a hectic day ahead of me and I need as much sleep as possible. I knew I shouldnt have watched Gremlins last night!

8:35 am

Ok, been awake stressing for a hour or so now, I've had a coffe, better crack on. Right, Ive got to post home my laptop and a large rucksack full of crap, take the 24 dvds back to blockbuster (the tv series not the quantity), buy a new rucksack from town, come home, pack it, move out and pick up a campervan. I've got to move out of my flat by 10am. Hmmm...

8:57 am

I have a large full rucksack on my back and a laptop swinging round my shoulder. Oh brilliant. Its full on cats and dogs raining like Ive never seen before in Sydney. Surely I am evil for I am being punished. Why did I give my umbrella away!!

9:03 am

Charging, full speed to the post office in the absolute pissing rain getting lots of funny looks from commuters.

9:12 am

Shit!! Where the hell is the post office? In fact, where the hell am I??! Ive been here so many times before and I've somehow taken a wrong turning. Getting wetter. Shit, shit shit!

9:14 am

Doesnt matter, Im close to blockbuster now I can drop off the DVDs. Mission one accomplished.

9:17 am

Full steam towards the post office. Ah, whats this business posting shop here.....I dont need a post office!

"Hi Id like to post this laptop home to the UK please".
"Do you have your passport?"

DAAAAMNNN ITTTTT!!!

9:20 am

Pretty much sodden now, but the laptop case is holding on. Im in the post office, red faced, steaming glasses, gasping for breath. I need to post these things home.

"Id like to post these ridiculously large things to the UK please"

He gives me a look along the lines of "You stupid twat" and gives me a lecture about how I need to box it all up and it wont be insured and yada yada yada. The general answer is no. I've got to move out at 10am and I already have 3 bags waiting for me there...shit shit shit.

9:33 am

Back at the flat. Dripping on the freshly steam cleaned carpet and in danger of risking losing my bond on the flat. Right! Im just gonna have to take the laptop and extra rucksack with me for now. However, I have all my clothes on the floor and no bag to put them in. Need to run into the city.

9:36 am

I'm flying full pelt across Darling Harbour, rain hammering my face, splashing all the commuters, panting like Im close to death

9:39 am

I am close to death. Have to change to a laim walk/hobble as Im too knackered.

9:44 am

Get to shop. What I actually need to do is exchange the bag I bought yesterday as its too small (of course, I had already bought a wrong sized bag). The clock is seriously ticking. Woman starts giving me lengthy shpiel about the benefits of the new bag. "I DONT CARE JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKING BAG!!"

9:51 am

I'm trying my best to run back but the pain is getting too much. I think Im gonna hit the wall.

9:53 am

Arrive back at the flat. In the lift I'm close to tears. I think I've pushed myself too hard.

9:54 am

Get into the flat, promptly vomit up my cup of coffee that I had for breakfast. I have pushed myself too hard.

9:58 am

In the shower, it dawns on me that as I'm about to move out of the flat and pick up a campervan, I would have my own transport and be able to do all the things I tried to do this morning at a leasurly pace rather than squeeze it into a rain soaked stress-hour. Start hitting myself for my own stupidity. Kinda reminds me of Back to the Future when he suddenly realises that although he is running out of time, he's sitting in a time machine and hence, time is no object. Except I was picking up a Toyota cruiser rather than a Delorian

10:45 am

The guy doing the inspection doesnt turn up until now, thus further highlighting the futility in my mornings actions. To add insult to injury, the inspection is so brief it barely warrants the time and money we spent on making it absolutely spotless. Want to cut myself as punishment.

12:00 pm

Arrive at campervan rental place at the precise time they told us to arrive at.

13:33 pm

Finally get into campervan. Well fuck me sideways. Im so glad I turned up on time so that I could sit there with my thumb up my arse for an hour and a half while you stand there doing bugger all. Didnt realise I was still in fucking Thailand in terms of efficiency!!

14:00 pm

I'm in a time machine. Nothing matters anymore. Mood lifts. Cares float away. I am no longer angry.