'I think the van ruins this shot'
Right then. Cairns. Ah! A modern clean hostel at last! Although it’s right next to a night club and when you walk the corridors it has the feel of a maximum security prison. However, our flat mates are very plesant. Unbelievably, I have had, and this is no joke or exaggeration, a 100% record of having the first voice you hear in EVERY hostel up the east coast, belonging to an Irish person. Australia is Ireland 2. There’s no two ways about it. This, of course is no bad thing though as every single Irish person I have met have been fine ambassadors of their country and are all very nice, genuine people. The other great thing is you’ve always got someone to get drunk and sing songs with.
'Wonderwaaaaal, etc'
Spent our first night meeting up with the lovely Sam and Dave (She’s actually called Daisy but I have a problem with mis-hearing things so shes in my phone as ‘Dave’) that we met in Sidders. Had a chance to share and divulge all the great and varied drinking games I have learned thus far on my trip. Copious alcohol and a pack of cards and it really is game over these days. Anyway, end of the night hotdogs sum it all up:
'They're grotesque! Hideous! Yet, I can't look away...'
From Cairns most people tend to make the journey up to Cape Tribulation to trek through the stunning rain forests and mountains. I went go-karting instead. Got some of the Irish gang to join us so we had a hefty crew for a mini Grand Prix. Naturally, of the 3 races I had the fastest lap time and generally destroyed all other racers on the course. To be fair there was only really Mark, Andy and me battling for it as the Irish guys were no competition. Of all the things I’ve seen and experienced up the east coast I have no shame in saying this was possibly the most fun I had had. Pathetic isn’t it but, hot damn I just love burning round a track going as fast as you bloody well can skidding round corners and the like. Definitely going to do some track days when I get back home. After being fantastic on the track we crossed the road to a pitch and putt where my game had vastly improved since the hideous efforts of last time. Even though the greens were like the rough. Went home that day and discovered a strange rash on my side although it didn’t itch. In fact it felt like I had cracked a rib. As I write this 3 weeks later, it still hurts. I believe it was because I was pulling so many awesome G’s on the go-kart track that a rib popped out. That’s how extreme I am.
Didn’t stop me from booking a trip to go diving (well, snorkeling actually) in the Great Barrier Reef. Best snorkeling of the trip this one. Was warm enough to go sans wet suit (and stinger suit – no nasties here) plus the visibility was excellent. Also nearly killed myself a few times pushing myself to the furthest depths. Managed to free dive to the sea bed 50 feet below. Its quite tricky doing both the equalizing (blowing air through your ears to stop your head imploding from the pressure of the water) all the way down and also relaxing so that you don’t panic and run out of air. Kinda scared myself a few times when I was right down the bottom and choking for air and you realize you gotta get all the way up sharpish! But its all part of the adrenaline rush really. Oh yeah, saw some fish an’ tha’ too. Also had a professional underwater photographer with us and took these rather knarly snaps:
Had the rarity of meeting someone from Wales on the boat on the way back. Number 4 now since I left last November. I guess Wales is just too lovely a place and not many people want to leave it. Either that or it’s just full of lazy buggers. Also met a Steve Irwin alike ozzy bloke who prided himself on annoying people. Had to admire him for his work as he was chewing my ear off about his anal sex fetish. Jeez. Gerroffme! And finally one of the crew members under a wildly false sense of confidence, believed himself to be an entertainer and subjected all passengers to his piss poor renditions of folk songs all the way home. He also seemed to take offense when people put their ipods on instead. “What are you listening to ipod man?” he would ask. “Something better”, would have to be the response.
A new day, and as I was shirking the whole Daintree River and Cape Tribulation rainforest shit, I thought I’d better give some of this nature stuff a crack. So hired another car and bombed up to around Port Douglas to go to Mossman Gorge. So:
‘Forest’
‘Gorge’
And
‘Rat being slowly eaten alive by flies’
Sweet. Next up a crocodile farm. How’s about this irony fans, just as we were about to have our crocodile feeding demonstration, the keeper informed us that old Steve Irwin had just been killed just off the coast where we were from. I knew I should have gone to see him when we drove past his zoo! Oh well, R.I.P. Steve you loony. The show merely highlighted what I knew already in that crocodiles are nasty little fuckers and should be avoided at all costs. No less impressive seeing these things snap away at the food the keepers hang out for them.
'Only fish and chips tonight love. Is that ok?'
'Croc of shit'
This nature reserve also was home to the worlds deadliest bird. I mean look at this thing, it’s just hanging
'You want some eh?!'
Apparently, these nasty little bastards are quite fond of cornering humans and gauging their insides out with their big claws Jurassic Park style. I’ll take their word for it. Wandering round the place you see lots of familiars like these crazy guys:
'Bllleeeeeaaahhhhhh!'
‘sup?
Myth Buster! Koalas don’t actually get stoned from eating eucalyptus trees, they are actually very slow creatures as it takes them 200 hours to digest what they eat so they move slowly to preserve energy. So you can impress people down the pub with that one. Also, as expected there are crocs everywhere with lots of info about them being endangered and how they are being over hunted.
'Holy Jesus mother Mary! Look at that one over there!! They've spotted us!!'
All well and good until you go to the gift shop and you can buy genuine crocodile handbags. HUH??!
Right that’s it then I guess. The east coast nailed. For all the whinging, I did have a great time but I think what I’ve learned is that being on the move constantly is really no fun as you don’t get to meet people for any length of time. I’ve learned that hiring the campervan was possibly the most expensive way to travel the east coast (especially when you rarely sleep in it!). I’ve learned that I prefer snorkeling to diving, hostels to camping, motor boats to sailing, pitching to driving and driving to walking. I’ve learned that the east coast is one hell of a backpacker tourist trap and if you like the whole tacky Spanish holiday resort thing then you’ll love it. Been there, done all that, so this time round it wasn’t as appealing. I’ve not really encountered any hideous spiders lurking around to mess with my mind (THANK YOU JEEBERS!). Met some great people along the way, regained my sun tan, did some things I’ve never done before, and generally had a hectic month of doing stuff. If I had to pick a pic to some it all up, then I think this one does it quite effortlessly.
'Indeed'
However, it don’t stop now honey, uh uh girlfriend! Off to Tasmania next, for a week of exploring. It’s here that I have to say goodbye to travel buddy Mark, so look after yourself dude and try not to hurt someone or yourself! Its now up to Andy and myself to prove if everyone in Tasmania has two heads or not.
Keep it strictly east coast blog fans.
Deadly Spider and animal count: 2
Mcdonalds Spotting count: 40
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