After a lengthy nagging we were split into the groups we'd be travelling as and told we had to organise our own food and alcohol for the trip. So after a long drive and no time to unwind I was thrown straight into a team building exercise. Great. There was me thinking I was on holiday. As expected, when the info sheets came round with shopping list suggestions, most people in the group stared blankly at each other not wanting to organise anything. I was in exactly the same frame of mind except for the fact that more than I hate having to organise things, is people dithering around doing bugger all. So me and another guy quickly went through the hassle of asking everyone what they liked, didnt like, wanted to drink, collecting kitty money and off to the supermarket and bottle-o (off licence) to buy it all. Team building exercises are all well and good but I prefer to be paid while I’m doing them, not on my holiday. When all supplies were gathered, we were all informed to meet in the car-park at 5am. Hang on! This certainly wasn't in the brochure.
Come 5am, we groggily congregate in the car park for more shuffling about and no one really taking charge. We had to check all our equipment, check off an inventory, pack all our gear and food, do an inspection of the wagon and watch another safety video on how to drive the 4x4s. Seriously, can't someone do all this for me? I am highly lazy after all and I expect more from people. Honestly!
3 hours of perfectly good sleeping time later, we set off for the ferry port, 11 of us all crammed into this beefy 4x4. Our group seems ok although no one's really talking to each other and the beautiful girls in bikinis as depicted in the brochure consist of 3 rather dowdy looking German girls, one of which was sporting a magnificent glass eye. Great. This also, was not in the brochure. No matter, you make of it what you make of it so lets crack on. Quick ferry ride over and we're soon off. The roads rapidly descend into obscenely bumpy sand tracks through narrow hilly woodland. My travel buddy Andy took the reigns first and was enjoying charging around in the van. However, I was crammed right at the back, cracking my head on the roof numerous times, and also in grave fear for my life as all the heavy cooking equipment on the shelf above me is bumping around like crazy and only being protected by a very frayed netting. Again, this was not in the brochure.
'Easy left. Easy right. Over jump. Woah!'
A 40 minute, hell-raising, uncomfortable, fearing-for-my-life ride (complete with a few sheer drops into oblivion for good measure) later, it was my go at wheel. Considering I have never really driven anything larger than a small saloon car before this trip, the thought of guiding a monstrous 4x4 through tight forest tracks complete with the lives of 11 people all in my hands, made me a little nervous to say the least. But, with some positive encouragement from Andy I was soon charging and bouncing around. I soon discovered that sitting in the front cabin, away from impending head injuries from rogue camping equipment, its actually rather fun, if not a little scary. There was more than one occasion where my co-drivers were confident Id make it over some, quite frankly, enormous, bumps where I was more than certain that this machine was about to be written off complete with helicopter rides to A&E. Turns out these vehicles are remarkably resilient and what would normally tear the arse out of your normal road car, these beasts eat for breakfast, albeit at 20K an hour and not leaving 2nd gear for most of the journey.
After what seemed like an eternity, I had made it across the island to the beach, with some of my passengers in the rear feeling like I did before I stepped into the driving seat. Made the decision there and then to try and sit as close to the front as possible for the rest of the trip. On the beach, a touch of surrealism blows over you. Here I am in a big old wagon, cruising down a beach like its a motorway, passing other traffic on the other side of the road (sorry beach) as the waves lap to your side, all the while being wary of planes coming into land. Passed another group on the beach once as one guy leaned out of the window screaming "FEED THE DINGOS!!". Have to admire such a lack of respect for the rules! Driving on the beach is kinda sweet so you put your foot down a bit until you reach a near invisible ditch in the beach where water from the hills has erroded away part of the road and the wagon launches into the air with the inevitable crunch, much to the annoyance/death threats from your passengers. The other hazard is running one wheel into a bit of dry sand at which point the vehicle lurches wildly across the beach (much like the giant boob) and you fear the beast toppling over.
Soon its time for our first stop, a lake for a quick dip.
'One lump or ten?'
Its called tea lake due to its dark colour and has a load of reeds sticking out of it (unlike any tea ive drunk). A bit nippy for my liking but not a bad plunge. However, swimming about in the reeds and not risking putting your foot on the bottom for fear of what lurks down there is somewhat unnerving. Spot of lunch, and we're introduced into the pain in the arse it is to unpack all the camping gear from the van, unload it all, cook for 11 people, find somewhere to try and wash it up and pack it all up and put it back again. Surely there's a Mackers (McDonalds) round on this national park island somewhere,. I've seen so many on my journey from Sydney. Quickly decided to shurk any kind of cooking responsibilities in return for some ace driving.
Next stop a rusty boat.
'Bloody iceburgs'
Well, its a ship that crashed and got washed up on the beach a long time ago. As you can tell it didnt really grip my attention and I soon found ways to entertain myself on this island.
'Lovely pair of Bristols'
It was slowly dawning on me that there isnt a great deal to do here. Thank god we packed loadsabooze.
'Quiet, 3 bedrooms, stunning views, ensuite hole to crap in'
At about 6pm it gets dark and of course you’re not allowed to make any camp fires so a florecent light powered by the car battery was our only light source for the evening. Didn’t bother me as I wasn’t cooking of course. Then, err, you sit around and drink everything. Pretty simple really. You’re told to go and piss a good 50 meters away in a dug up hole but that notion goes out the window pretty quickly as you can imagine.
Morning, and after 11 people faff around trying to eat breakfast then find a campsite to freshen up and clean the dishes we’re ready to find another thing to look at and take obligatory photos. So, cliffs:
'Bet you cant jump'
'I wee'd in there'
And, um, that’s it. This may well be a very beautiful island but I’ll be dammed if it isn’t sodding inconvenient. Come 4pm we have to call it a day as the beach road is getting pretty impassable as the tide is high. This didn’t seem to stop the one of the Irish lads at the time who was driving, but there were enough complaints from guys at the rear to warrant a time out.
Same again in the evening except this time we corrupted one of the square German girls with vodka who went on to have a spectacular rise and fall within the period of 20 minutes. First she got up and started bark orders at everyone to drink more. Very scary/amusing as it was done with a harsh German accent; “YOU VILL DRINK MORREEE!!”. A bit of singing to a bemused audience, then an attempt at standing swiftly followed by a more successful attempt at falling down. Then she was unconscious in a bush vomiting on herself. All in 20 minutes. Wish I could do that. One thing the vomit did is attract the dingos so we had them darting about the camp. However I was far too blotto at the time so seeing these glowing eyes all mingling around I thought I was just imagining it and chuckled to myself. Not what they tell you to do in the safety video.
In the morning, you wake to find sand in your hair, your sleeping bag and your underwear. Even if you haven’t eaten anything you find yourself crunching on sand between your teeth. Suppose you might expect that from an island consisting entirely of sand. Be weird if you found chocolate in your pants. Although that has happened before.
Another lake to visit, this time it has a steep sand bank on the side so you run down it and dive into the lake (of course, you’re not allowed to dive in the lake, nag, nag).
'Chaaaaarge!'
The one thing you’re not meant to miss on a visit to Fraser Island is the beautiful Lake McKenzie. I missed it. Run out of time and had to do a hectic dash to catch the ferry otherwise be left on the island with the dingos.
Back in the hostel and room for one more piss up with the Irish guys this time involving Texas Hold’ em poker. Bloody lepracorns took all my money both times. Teach me to gamble with the Irish. Nadgers.
Right then, everything packed up? Off to the next destination. (Oh hang on, no I’ve left my bloody spectacles behind haven’t I and I’m not going to see them again. Curses!)
Deadly Spider and animal count: 1 (Andy nearly trod on a deadly snake)
Mcdonalds Spotting count: 27
No comments:
Post a Comment